After God molded me, the enemy wants me back. It knows my weaknesses and everyday it tries to invite me.
Earlier, after brushing my teeth, an officemate asked me out of the blue, "Bitter ka no?", and I said "Huh? no, why do you ask?", he asked for no reason, just to test me if I would give in. I just said to him that "I'll think about what you said because no matter what I say to you, I cannot convince you". I asked him, "do you keep bitterness?", and he said yes, a lot of it. I just encouraged him and knew why he asked me the question in the first place.
I had a chat with one of my girl officemates who tried to convince me that I'm still not over her. Hehehe. She asked me, do you miss her, I said at times yes of course, 6 years is a long time! Another question, when you wake-up, do you think of her? I said yes, because everyday since the day my God freed me, I thank Him that I can continue with my life without her and of course, it can't be helped that she comes into my mind. She asked me again, "and you still love her after all that?", I said yes, because she's my friend. From that, my officemate concluded I'm still not over her and I'm a martyr and a hopelessly romantic freak hahaha!
In this world, does it really mean that when you still miss someone that you are still not over him/her? Maybe the more appropriate term is that I'm moving on and I can continue with my life without her because I already surrendered her to God.
That is my first weakness, to wallow in self pitty. It was tested and I'm still good.
A girl is texting me again after she found out that "she" and I are no more. This girl asked me to be her you know what during the time I'm still madly in love with "her" but I refused. Not because I thought about God, but because I thought about her and I wanted to guard my heart for "her". I rejected her and said, my heart already belongs to someone else, and she stopped communicating with me. It saved me before but my motive was wrong.
A girl in the office catched my eyes while I was walking down the aisle. I thought to myself, wow, she's really nice and pretty. Could she be the one? I don't even know if she's a Christian. The point is, I was tempted to court her even if I don't know if she's good with God.
This is my second weakness, women. I sense a lot of tests on this one because they are everywhere. The world is where you don't have to do anything to have a girlfriend/boyfriend, just stay passive and give-in to the opposite sex and before you know it, you're already in too deep, and slowly it will destroy your relationships, your future, and your closeness to God.
You are already running away from the people who can help you, the enemy will tell you to avoid surrounding yourself with godly friends, to seek advice from the people who have the answer you want to hear so that you may feel good about your false decisions. You see the church as legalistic, and you try to justify your actions with too much thinking even if deep inside you know it's wrong, you will just ignore it and try to move on and hope later you will be okay and someday wake-up. You keep on running and running until you are already on a far away place but find out that you can't escape from yourself. A blind faith. To have a first hand experience on this, I can say that it may seem okay to live like this because I didn't notice that my life was going down the drain until it worsened. To remain focused on a thing which is not God and hope that the thing you are holding on to will last forever, but it won't, it may last years but it won't last forever.
Now, I despise this deceitful feeling. God has already disciplined me and showed me that just by being passive, I was already sinning. I will take this lesson by heart and won't let it just turn into old memories.
It's hard to move on when there are people who push you towards bitterness and lies. Buti nalang andyan ka. I'll surround myself with Christian friends, people who can push me towards God.
On the side note, I texted one of my friends in galleria who is a leader there. I said to him, "I don't like children, I don't know how to deal with them, act and talk in front of them but I want to learn. Is it still possible for me to join the kid's church?", I'm not really expecting a straight answer, but he replied, "Sure!! If you want, you can observe first. Let's start this sunday.", wow, ambilis. Hehehe. I'm excited for this, I'm grabbing this opportunity that God presented me and won't remain passive about it and continue with my life ignoring or taking for granted things that come from Him.
