God revealed something new to me today... that I should surrender my connection with her. In my first blog entry here, I mentioned that this connection with her makes me "feel what she feels" which is nice if you think about it and gives some edge but that connection is an emotional attachment. God doesn't want me to be hard, but He wants me free.
I treasured this connection for a long time and it was a heavy revelation, but it's taking me hostage because I can't continue with life if I always feel her suffering. So today, I surrendered that so-called precious thing to God. I almost wanted to say that to her but I believe God is telling me that she will only suffer more, in due time... in God's timing.
I will still be here to push her to God until the very end, but I will not be held captive of that emotion, and continue living my life to the fullest of what God wants me to be. And hey, it will not be fair for my future wife. I want to prepare myself for her and reserve this attachment, to love her more than I have ever loved anyone, except God of course.
