This is the point in my life where I'm moving on with the help of God, and I'm doing great actually because I'm not always bothered by her, that my faith is in Him, that I'm not impatient anymore of her awakening and I can honestly treat her as one of my friends. I can continue living each day in His amazing love.
Remember that I lost my phone in my previous entry, but got it back, thank God! During the time that the phone was with Pem, you know WHO texted me
This reminded me of u. "bt by d grace of god i am wat iam, and hs grace to me was nt w/o efect," 1cor15:10
And my phone replied to her that I'm not with it because I asked a favor to pem to reply to my messages that I'm not with my phone. You know who texted some of my friends and quoted the message she recieved from my phone and said, Y did pem reply using (name)'s fone??? Weird.
I really don't know what to feel, well at least she still cares about my phone. For her first text message about the verse reminding her of me, I'm thankful that she still reads her bible (Well I didn't have a clue so I didn't know if she still does, but now I do and I thank God).
I don't know how to react to this kind of message from her, because even though I do not admit it, I know that it kills me a little each time she sends me double edged texts. I just replied my thanks to her and that the verse encouraged me. After that I cannot concentrate on my work, and it bothered me, so I decided to put this to an end in a subtle way so that she and I may move on because I don't want a hint of her bothering me when I love the person who God has destined for me. I texted her this long message:
Suddenly remembered you while staring at the monitor smiling. Js want to thank you for helping me restore my faith, and helping me realize that something that I thought wasn't for me now comes so easily... from the times you reminded me to read my bible, even though I do, I know you meant something more. Until the end, God still used you to become the reason for my awakening...
Thank you for it helped me deal with my passiveness and despise my old ways that I thought were worth living for. Thank you that I can live each day with a smile and come to Him without a doubt that I'm in his purpose. Thank you.
This may be the last time I'll bother you w/o ur permission, I surrendered everything to Him even the connection I had w u which i treasured so that forever I will live and forever I believe.
Ok I was inspired by the songs I was listening to so I got some words from them, hehe. I prayed to God so that we may continue with our lives and even though she left me and fell out of love for me, I still want her to be happy. Receiving texts from her out of the blue is not healthy for me, and it's not healthy for her, and I do not rebuke her anymore and just reply out of love and an off topic message so that it can end there.
She replied after a while... I'm broken I'm going home. I prayed to God to make her whole again. I thank God that I can treat her equally like my other friends whereas before I was too impatient of her awakening, I was demanding from God. Thank you Lord for giving me the grace to move on. I hate to admit this and come to this point but honestly, she is now fading as the person who I want to be with for the rest of my life.
You texted again this morning, about reading NKJV bible and a verse from it. I just replied, nice, will read it, morning and continued with my life.
When you left me for another guy I was badly hurt, and it became the lowest point in my life. And even if you rejected me during that time, even if you were so cold when I was crying to you... to cry to you and get a blank response was a deeply sad feeling, I still loved you. To look beyond the hurting is a martyr's life and I embraced it because I loved you so much. I've always looked at you as the person who I was destined to marry and I was so sure, and I always told it to my friends how excited I was for that day but didn't tell this to you.
But all of these I already surrendered to God and to have no bitterness left is a great feeling, and no more do I have to focus on you. But this doesn't mean I'm shutting you off my life, I'm still your friend if you allow me to. If you come out of your hiding place, you will see that we, your christian friends, are still here. So I had to tell you that that long text message so that we may continue with our lives. May He reveal more of him to you while reading your bible, in your circumtances, through your godly leaders, friends, visions, and dreams. May you be complete in God's time... you are a work in progress, we all are.
...Naked I came from my mother's womb,
and naked I will depart.
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised."
--Job 1:20
So true.
